EMPTINESS

The feeling of emptiness.. I dont feel lonely. Neither has sadness embraced me. But I sense emptiness. Emptiness.................................. Its hard to explain what it is like. Hmmm.. You have people around you, who care for you, who love you, who would make you laugh, who would go beyond anything to make you happy. Alas, that is not what you need. Emptiness.. Lack of enthusiasm, the spirit that is determined to do good, take up challenges, argue unnecessarily (though you know it might exhibit your stupidity), have fun, enjoy a movie,... More more more of these little pleasant things, all of which seem to fade slowly and become void - empty. Learning anything new doesn't help either. You feel the world looks stupid and nobody interests you. The presence of anybody or anything does not kindle the gusto in you.

Can someone help me? Plzzzzzzzzzz.......... This is making me Void, EMPTY

The False Promise

As I walk by the long deserted road
Covered with lush green grasses on either side
And cool breeze blowing against my face
My eyes keep searching for
Green leaves that are beautifully shaped
Looking bright and promising to be evergreen
I pick them up as I locate these rare leaves
Just to lose them soon
Bound to the beautiful maiden called hope
The heart reassures,
They are just a few feet away
Mind says they are passing clouds and never yours
Contradictory to the perception of mind
I found this exceptional leaf
Cherished it, nurtured it, preserved it
Believing it was a promise from the high priests
Jus to learn
It was a false promise
Its all the same….. No exceptions!!

Sowmi, Sri n Hari...

Feeling perplexed, rushed out of the coll campus, to catch the bus. "Can I, can I not?" - this was the question hovering my mind - reaching the school before my endeavours could go vain. Finally luck was beside me and I landed at he school around 5:25 p.m. Feeling apprehensive, stepped inside. But to my surprise, received a gawky(That's because I've lost around 30 pounds when compared to school days) cum mirthful welcome. Wow... Loved that moment man.

Not a second did one of us shut our mouth. It was all fun n laughter. Boys as usual scoffing at each other. Girls were doing wonders, joining them. Quite delighting to watch all this happen. Alas, we messed up with the game. Never mind. We gotta cadbury bite. Lali.. Your presence of mind did that. Cheers for you. Every minute spent is a minute preserved. It was 7:00 p.m. Had to leave. Though never wanted to. I wished the time coagulated. Hmmm... Sowmi's warm hug gave an assurance that the event would repeat itself soon. Left with a broad smile.

My heart felt thanks, dear organisers. It's been a long time since I've last seen all the guys. I cannot pray for more. The one n half hours spent, was heavenly. Sensed the aroma of life after the tiresome moments spent at the college. Being at the school again, my God.. was a lovely event. Feel bad for those who missed it. It was 30 this time. Hope you(sorry), we make it 120 next time. Sowmi, take this big hug. Sri n Hari, thank you guys for the wonderful event..

The 10 most...

Here are some of the phrases or quotes or modern sayings or whatever you call them, that were quite entrancing, charming and looked pensive to me. They haven’t been ranked. But the first one holds it’s position accordingly.

1. Learn from the mistakes of others because you don’t have time to learn from yours.

2. You need to believe in yourself before you could believe in what you do.

3. Its better not be loved than to be loved and abandoned.

4. Your thoughts must be inimitable for you to be inimitable.

5. Do what you like and love what you do.
This is one o my favourites. You can find them as a signature in my mails.

6. Somebody once asked God, “What surprises you the most about mankind?” and God replied, “It’s quite funny that they lose their health to make money and lose their money to restore health, by thinking anxiously about their future. They forget their present such that they live neither for the present nor for the future. They live as if they never die and die as if they had never lived. Funny, isn’t it?”
This was a message forwarded. But isn’t it an universal truth portrayed in it’s simplest form?

7. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. (Buddha)

8. Do not disturb the already disturbed.
Hmmm… This was a message printed on my friend’s tee. I guess this is a sign to others when he really means it!!!

9. I wish my past never existed which conveys I never did a mistake.

10. Nobody dies virgin. Coz life ****s everyone.
Err… Bit blue. This was the caption of an orkuteer. It sounded cool and of course for the reality it depicted, didn let me bounce it from the list.

I agree that there are phrases which are more fascinating and thought provoking. But these were the ones that hovered around my mind when listing.

The Compensation

All happened instantly. Unexpected. Decided in a short time. All I could find the next moment is that I was in my friend’s house with my school gang. Wow!! It was terrific. It was four of us. Each one poking fun at each other. Awesome man... All we could think of is whom to make the victim of our next mock session. Each one made victim at regular interval. None could abscond from being the prey. I could picture the whole event as roping the school days in front of me. I guess the walls would have started giggling and would have coupled with us provided they had the gift of the gab. A series of colourful events, which would keep me going atleast for a week. And of course, there is something inevitable when fun and laughter is all around. The foodstuffs. As I’m an erotic eater, I wouldn call whole heartedly any event memorable if food is not a cohort making the circle complete. Aunty!!! Thanks for the great lunch. Hey buddy, better luck next time. (Hee hee.. This is for the friend who missed the scrumptious lunch. You see, he’s little bit concerned about that.) There is something that’s sends a chill through your nerves when friends get together. It was campus recruitment this time. As we didn allow it to take the better of us, it didn rupture the gratification. I would the tag the day as “Terrific amusement”, “Rejuvenation of school days”.

And coming to the post title – The Compensation. This congregation was complete with amusement and laughter. Something that’s lacking in the gloomy college life. Henceforth the caption. I wouldn mind if I brand myself as a glutton, as I’m greedy for such a gathering. And of course, we are planning for 1 more.

Date of event: 13th of may
Probs with the net. Couldn post soon after it was typed.

The Passion for NOTHING

Lost the erotic passion for life
The passion to live
The passion to strive
The passion to confer the best
The passion to explore human nature
The passion to bathe in the deep sea of knowledge
The passion to draw intellectual conclusions from observations
The passion to feel the trauma of a premonition
The passion for aggressive eating habits
The passion to discover glee in the smile of a child
The passion to uncover beauty in the roses
The passion to find love in the mesmerising eyes of damsels
Alas, the last passion that survived is the passion to post “The Passion for Nothing”

Dear Anki, beckon me before I cease to exist.

I believe this one is the post in it’s most simple form. As you see, I don find any reason to make it better, because I HAVE LOST THE PASSION FOR PERFECTION.

In the month of Febrauary....

Ah… It’s time again, to pen down my thoughts on my open diary. This time it’s about the diminutive sins, I’ve been doin this month. It’s been a month of relaxation. Letting my mind do whatever it wanted to – sparing the rod and spoiling the child. The major peccadillo that took over the control of ma brain is slumber – deep slumbers. Slept for hours together... Evening, night, noon… Ah… Unperturbed slumber. I guess, I would have beaten the hibernation period of a polar bear. The minute I sit on the cushion furniture, with a lovely book in hand, one could find my eyes drooping. The next minute, in deep slumber. Of course, sleep does make you feel better and energetic. But mine was deep slumber, vegetating my brain. Convoying this indulgence is the master of all fiascos – Mr. Sloth. With me wherever I move - in the class, in the corridors, in the streets, at home. He’s been all around me, in every deed of mine, encompassing me with his sumptuous love. God… This Cupid cant find me a better companion?? So much engrossed by his power, that I didn even wish my friends a happy valentine, gave them no proper response when contacted. Parent’s words never moved out of the other ear, as they found the entrance to the first blocked. I know, all these are ludicrous whimpers. But the big picture – have been soooo lazy that I couldn carry on with the routine actions, which don expect you to spend much of your energy. Well, the third offence – gorging on food items. I could eat a whole lot of junk items despite hearing the premonitions ma brain was furnishing. I can give you the permutation: Mr. Sloth -> Food -> Slumber. Mr. Sloth was struck by Cupid’s arrow n he was chasing me. Myself, behind food. And too much of food stuffing, ensuing in slumbers. SFS (Sloth Food Slumber) my predominant escorts of Cupid month… I could proudly say anyone that I received valentine card this month. From 3 people, oh sorry, from 2.. I was behind food..

Well, listen Deepa (That’s myself). You had enough of leisure this month. I would better say, for the whole year. Wake up from your deep hibernation. Time to depart from your sweetheart – Mr. Sloth. (Ahhh… Cupid, watch out for my retaliation. I would hit back at you in the right time). It’s time that you have to start putting your efforts again. Wake up and Work.

It would be defying myself and ma blog’s address (SPARK OF THE DYING HOPE – finding good in evil), if I’m skeptic about the one benefit this month has brought me. This month has also been a month for exhalation of toxins. The toxins in my mind, due to lack of sleep. The sleep, the abundant food has helped me recuperate energy, I was deficient of. Feel more energized. But letting this habit pursue, would hamper my expedition of exploring life, accomplishing my dreams, aspirations… So, awakening from the deep sleep…

My Fascination

As every other human being on this earth, I have my own fascinations for a lot of things. But today, in this post, I would be speaking only about one of those. Right now, I’m elated as I can see it happening. And I thought I’ll put it down in my blog.
And here it goes – My fascination for The First Pay…

No matter how much ever you succeed in boosting your gross, it’s always the first remuneration that gives you extreme happiness. I call it the ecstasy… The touch of each penny you have earned bestows you with the sensation of having accomplished the pinnacle of your life. You feel it deep in your heart. Your heart resonating the hymn that verbalizes your definition and the conduit of success, glorifying you. You hear nothing, perceive nothing - your heart fastened with wings, all set high, to enjoy, to take delight of your hard work. It recollects how you spent each moment working for what you possess today, reminiscing the strenuous epoch you underwent, scuffling hard. And then befalls your tears… Which again speaks about the euphoria coalesced with contentment. Slowly, at a snail’s pace, your smile transpires… Wow!! It’s really a wonderful moment. All this, if you can pay attention to your silent inner heart and heed your ears to it, shutting down your surrounding, muting your heart that resides outside your subconscious, calling for jamboree.

I suppose that there can be only three possibilities if people haven’t experienced such a profound emotion. One probability is that they are persons who are exceptionally in an equilibrium state and their pointer always points to a single point on the emotion scale. Another likelihood is that their excitement wouldn have permitted them to hear their heart’s words. And finally, people who really don’t deserve their pay cannot sense this emotion. This populace would have dumped their work on a host, forbidding all labor that demanded hard work, spending their time at the workplace in a leisurely comportment – the most undeserving set.

Though I had this fascination, right from my childhood, I never thought of writing it down. The actuator behind this post... It’s Google. Yeah… Google had has approved my adsense account. It’s been a dream of mine (Hey, that’s a minuscule one – to be a part of Google’s ad sense subscriber). Had no idea of how or where to begin with. Even tried my hands on website construction. Didn work out well. Couldn make even a wild guess on what the content of my site would be. Dropped it. I had been a blogger member for quite sometime with a different login name the password of which, is not in my memory. It’s jus a few days back that I’ve started with this blog and my adsense account approved. I know there’s a long way to go to get my bucks… I don mind about it. But I’ve initiated. That counts for me.

And for people out there who think I've been crazy enough to dream of this big picture, before it could really work out, here's what I say (Psss It's Kalam's words. I agree. Don throw tomatoes)...

"Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended"

"You have to dream before your dream comes true"

When someone loves you

When you know someone loves you,
Someone lives for you, Someone needs you,
Someone holds you closer to their heart,
Someone finds living without you baffling,
You need to look back at them and
Reciprocate their feelings for you..
Coz, you don know, when the someone
Who lived for you might be gone..
It's tough to realise that the someone
Who could comfort you now,
When you are in need of them, is no more beside you,









Admiring your expressions,
Revering your beauty,
Adoring your smile,
Glorifying your rejoinders,
Idolising your presence
In their crippled heart
That longs for you
Without your knowledge
Anticipating nothing from you
But a little care,
A little of your opulent love,
A drop of your expensive tears
From your tender, gorgeous eyes
Through your beautiful heart
Which is cherised by the someone
As a heavenly endowment
The worth of which is unknown to you....

P.S. This someone may not be your the then sweetheart.. The person may be your friend who adores you.. Who jus longs for your friendship.. A concrete relationship..

Some of the phrases may sound similar to my heart throb - Enrique's "Somebody".. But that's my own resource.. No reproduction..