Getting Disconnected

Each day is a promise of new hope. A hope that everything will be fine today. Everything that has been messy will be set right. The hope wins and the soul is nourished by a “feel good” coat, if a few things are sorted out. And if efforts fail, the soul is no weak freak. It prepares a cradle for the new hope to be born. Sometimes it happens that the soul gets drained of preparing the cradle incessantly, with no creditable gap. You feel weak. A haunting agony. Nothing seems better. You want to quit from everything.

It is at this point of time that your soul needs your conscious aid. The soul is too disturbed to help itself. You know of the best method to help yourself? Well... I don know either. But I found this one pretty helpful – getting disconnected. This methodology is a preferable one, if its people who are giving you the trouble. People ignoring you, people who are hypocritical, people misunderstanding you. Disconnect………. Disconnect from everyone around you mentally. Let your mind constantly read the quote – “I don’t care what you do. I don’t mind about you. I wish to stay away. Alone.” You tell your mind not to bother if you get a call or a mail or a message from people. You teach your mind to pretend as if you never knew persons or even were acquainted. You let yourself be alone. You train your mind not to let a thought related to people hover around. Its just you and your work. Blocked out.

But this cannot pursue for long. This is to make yourself feel better, to nurture your destabilized soul. A brief period of silence by disconnecting from the troubles (people). You start feeling better gradually. Your soul learns how to keep protected. The period helps you to perceive the world with new thoughts. The path to your goal becomes more clear. When you are settled, the enriched soul establishes a good relationship with everyone. A resurrection, which you are sentient of, but unknown to outer world. Its another new beginning. The soul preparing for the cradles.

What your smile could do

“Oh man…… She smiles beautifully”

This is one of the most common phrases of one among a gang of boys, who stand in the corridors, espying girls, passing comments, enjoying their college life. This happens on day one. The boy keeps waiting for the same girl so that she would flash her smile again and he would get a glimpse of it, on day 2. This becomes a habit and it’s a part of his routine. One day he finds her with a dreary face and his mood goes gloomy. He wouldn be happy the whole day and the reason behind this remains as a poser.


I’m not narrating a love story here. Neither am I telling you how beautifully a girl can smile. I’m speaking about your own gorgeous smile and how it can transpire the world around you.

Yes. A simple cute smile can do wonders. Flash a smile when you see a person you know. That’s a good indication of your attitude. Smile is a negotiator who bolsters a good relationship. It’s a clue that everything is fine between two persons. Smile has got the power to enrich a weakened relationship. It can break the silence that has prevailed owing to minor misunderstandings. Your smile speaks more than your laughter. So small. Yet so potent.

You are on the road walking towards your destination, with a lovely smile on your face. There are several people who pass by. You may not be aware of the fact that you’ve made the day of a person seem brighter and positive. The secret behind it… YOUR SMILE. Your smile could revolutionise the entire world of a person or environment. It has got the power to make someone feel good and positive.

Keep smiling. Make a person’s day. Win hearts.

I'm not dead..

It's been quite a long time that I've scribbled something on my blog. Tight schedule, ever faced in my lifetime. Well, enjoyed experiencing it. But have been missing my passion for writing, the blissful feeling that submerges me, after posting a pleasing scrap. I couldn resist anymore. So jus saying hi to my regular bloggers. Back to the normal life. Find me scribble again..

Sowmi, Sri n Hari...

Feeling perplexed, rushed out of the coll campus, to catch the bus. "Can I, can I not?" - this was the question hovering my mind - reaching the school before my endeavours could go vain. Finally luck was beside me and I landed at he school around 5:25 p.m. Feeling apprehensive, stepped inside. But to my surprise, received a gawky(That's because I've lost around 30 pounds when compared to school days) cum mirthful welcome. Wow... Loved that moment man.

Not a second did one of us shut our mouth. It was all fun n laughter. Boys as usual scoffing at each other. Girls were doing wonders, joining them. Quite delighting to watch all this happen. Alas, we messed up with the game. Never mind. We gotta cadbury bite. Lali.. Your presence of mind did that. Cheers for you. Every minute spent is a minute preserved. It was 7:00 p.m. Had to leave. Though never wanted to. I wished the time coagulated. Hmmm... Sowmi's warm hug gave an assurance that the event would repeat itself soon. Left with a broad smile.

My heart felt thanks, dear organisers. It's been a long time since I've last seen all the guys. I cannot pray for more. The one n half hours spent, was heavenly. Sensed the aroma of life after the tiresome moments spent at the college. Being at the school again, my God.. was a lovely event. Feel bad for those who missed it. It was 30 this time. Hope you(sorry), we make it 120 next time. Sowmi, take this big hug. Sri n Hari, thank you guys for the wonderful event..

The 10 most...

Here are some of the phrases or quotes or modern sayings or whatever you call them, that were quite entrancing, charming and looked pensive to me. They haven’t been ranked. But the first one holds it’s position accordingly.

1. Learn from the mistakes of others because you don’t have time to learn from yours.

2. You need to believe in yourself before you could believe in what you do.

3. Its better not be loved than to be loved and abandoned.

4. Your thoughts must be inimitable for you to be inimitable.

5. Do what you like and love what you do.
This is one o my favourites. You can find them as a signature in my mails.

6. Somebody once asked God, “What surprises you the most about mankind?” and God replied, “It’s quite funny that they lose their health to make money and lose their money to restore health, by thinking anxiously about their future. They forget their present such that they live neither for the present nor for the future. They live as if they never die and die as if they had never lived. Funny, isn’t it?”
This was a message forwarded. But isn’t it an universal truth portrayed in it’s simplest form?

7. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. (Buddha)

8. Do not disturb the already disturbed.
Hmmm… This was a message printed on my friend’s tee. I guess this is a sign to others when he really means it!!!

9. I wish my past never existed which conveys I never did a mistake.

10. Nobody dies virgin. Coz life ****s everyone.
Err… Bit blue. This was the caption of an orkuteer. It sounded cool and of course for the reality it depicted, didn let me bounce it from the list.

I agree that there are phrases which are more fascinating and thought provoking. But these were the ones that hovered around my mind when listing.

The Compensation

All happened instantly. Unexpected. Decided in a short time. All I could find the next moment is that I was in my friend’s house with my school gang. Wow!! It was terrific. It was four of us. Each one poking fun at each other. Awesome man... All we could think of is whom to make the victim of our next mock session. Each one made victim at regular interval. None could abscond from being the prey. I could picture the whole event as roping the school days in front of me. I guess the walls would have started giggling and would have coupled with us provided they had the gift of the gab. A series of colourful events, which would keep me going atleast for a week. And of course, there is something inevitable when fun and laughter is all around. The foodstuffs. As I’m an erotic eater, I wouldn call whole heartedly any event memorable if food is not a cohort making the circle complete. Aunty!!! Thanks for the great lunch. Hey buddy, better luck next time. (Hee hee.. This is for the friend who missed the scrumptious lunch. You see, he’s little bit concerned about that.) There is something that’s sends a chill through your nerves when friends get together. It was campus recruitment this time. As we didn allow it to take the better of us, it didn rupture the gratification. I would the tag the day as “Terrific amusement”, “Rejuvenation of school days”.

And coming to the post title – The Compensation. This congregation was complete with amusement and laughter. Something that’s lacking in the gloomy college life. Henceforth the caption. I wouldn mind if I brand myself as a glutton, as I’m greedy for such a gathering. And of course, we are planning for 1 more.

Date of event: 13th of may
Probs with the net. Couldn post soon after it was typed.

The Passion for NOTHING

Lost the erotic passion for life
The passion to live
The passion to strive
The passion to confer the best
The passion to explore human nature
The passion to bathe in the deep sea of knowledge
The passion to draw intellectual conclusions from observations
The passion to feel the trauma of a premonition
The passion for aggressive eating habits
The passion to discover glee in the smile of a child
The passion to uncover beauty in the roses
The passion to find love in the mesmerising eyes of damsels
Alas, the last passion that survived is the passion to post “The Passion for Nothing”

Dear Anki, beckon me before I cease to exist.

I believe this one is the post in it’s most simple form. As you see, I don find any reason to make it better, because I HAVE LOST THE PASSION FOR PERFECTION.

What The World Can Tell You

On a warm summer evening, you are sitting on a bench. You are in the park. And people walking, smiling, chatting. It's fun, laughter, serenity, happiness all around you. You have a packet of chips and you are munching over it. A small kid comes near you and looks at the pack with a longing look. You really dont understand the reason for it's looks. Unable to comprehend it's weird looks, you just tend to ignore and proceed with what you do - chomping the crunchy chips. "Sounds delicious??" The kid still stares at you and starts crying. A stout fair looking lady heads towards you, drags the kid away and starts muttering. Oh... What is she murmuring all about. Pay heed to her words and this is what your ears can hear.

"Oh.. What has his parents taught him? So selfish. He could have atleast hid the packet when he spotted her coming. Just two pieces might have prevented her from wailing. That time would have been sufficient for me to take her back.."

"What's going on? Why should I give her my chips. None of my friends gave me when I asked them. Why is that lady scolding me, if that girl is crying. Sounds stupid. "

Read the passage? Sounds silly? Silly about the fact that why would you behave like that towards the kid. You did.. You did, my friend. Atleast most of you, at the age of five.

The world expects you to behave in a very matured way at a very young age. It expects you to perform you duties in the right manner and the right way. It expects you to be too good and follow a legal path. It expects you to distinguish between good and evil and choose good always. It expects that your every action has a meaning, on the basis of which, the reaction will be returned. It expects you to know how old you are rather than knowing how young you are.

The world can tell you when you are wrong. Not where you have gone wrong. At the most, the world can let you know what you are to do. But not how you are to do it. I'm not complaining about what the world hasn't given you. Jus pointing the fact you need to find your own path. It's up to you to explore your path. You know what is best for you and worst. You know what you want to do and how you have it done. After all,

It's your life and your choices

Truth Always Hurts

Not again... I wouldn drag this on and on. This will be the final concluding part of the one month excavation.

There was a waging war between my brain and heart. The heart complaining about the years that I’ve wasted in trying to learn what I was not really into. It complained of my inability to discern it myself. Bruising my psychological state, abusing me.

You see, GOOD N BAD CO - EXIST. I did have a advocate who was a good defender. The brain, praising my efforts that I’ve put in “trying to master” what I was not really capable of. My assiduousness, in trying to accomplish things, despite facing failures.

Whatever pros n cons. It was hard to accept the fact that I did not belong to the IT field. I’ve spent years together trying to learn its languages, concepts,… what not… I’ve forced myself to love it, adore it, worship it, glorify it. In fact, I considered it my first love. The past coagulated before me. And when I wrenched myself to the present, I could feel the dejection, the agony, the cessation of my dreams. And that is why I say,

TRUTH ALWAYS HURTS
Yes, it was a real trauma. People might feel that I’m insane. But you feel the throbbing when you devote yourself to something, to find out later that it’s not yours.

It’s time now, to prepare to launch myself into a new amphitheatre. But, the comps, has been my passion. So trying to eliminate it completely.... I call it the foolishness of trying to shed your blood completely or cutting down your shadows. Your white cells wouldn aid when your hemoglobin is null. Jus looking for a field which makes the perfect blend of both the culprits under investigation. Think, I'm almost done. It would take sometime. Truth always hurts. But there is a medication for everything.

And dear great friend, my heart felt thanks for helping me know the most crucial aspects of life. I’m very happy n proud to have you as my friend.

Re Excavtion of Myself - II

This piece needs a reference of the post – “re excavation of myself”. I really don wanna continue with this. Jus because I’ve promised I would be publishing, I’m obliged to this. It’s a promise that I’ve made to myself…

The night I spoke to him went off smoothly, because I didn allow those thoughts to hinder me. And the real trauma began the next morning. That’s what usually happens – your sub conscious processes what you heard n perceived in the day, in the night. And it’s outcome the next morning. I was undergoing a lot of discomfort within myself. I was trying to understand to which field I really belonged to. Which field I was good at. The field I was comfortable with. His words still resonating in my ears –

“Jus think of a work you were comfortable doing.
Something you could work on for hours together.
Something that you never got bored of.
Something you loved doing.
Something you are addicted to once you begin.”

(Hey, playing, gaming doesn count here. I’m not kidding.)

I scanned back my life. The psychological tests that I’ve undertaken (Tickle.com being the major contributor). And finally after a long hours of exploration that involved a serene expedition into myself, I reached the answer. It was the psychological arena.Generally, I could dive deep into matters related to it. I found myself comfortable while thinking about psychological matters. Could really believe it. But I “didn want” to accept it.

Finally.. People, keep exploring yourself. You don know when you are to find your real treasure.

Re Excavation of Myself

Should I... Or should I not... Connecting my mind and heart. And finally under their mutual consent I’m penning down one of the most crucial episodes of my life that happened 2 weeks back. The episode that demanded re excavation of myself.

It was a great energized evening. My mind was filled with the thoughts of the exhilarating moments that I would be having with my friends the next day. We were going out… And of course, there is always something that would hinder you when you are in a jubilant mood. Gotta call and the information one person has dropped the plan. Bit annoyed with that called him. He did give me a valid reason. And persuading him to change his decision is something I wouldn dare to do. And his decisions always have a valid reason.

Pursuing this was a long conversation of the no nonsense, expedient verity of the invaluable asset I often speak of - Life. He had his own way of making people realize of what he wanted to say. He would get the answer from them rather than giving it himself. Helping them excavate things and ushering them into the murky, mysterious tunnel of truth, where his enlightenment is the daylight. He played the same game with me. The elicitation of this mind game is an unbearable truth, which I “do not” want to digest. Well, what he was trying to help me deduce was:

“What should I really be doing in future?”

“What is that I’m really comfortable doing? “

“What field, if chosen would help me accomplish something momentous? (It was more of this)”

He gave hints and suggestions which were contradicting to what I am into now (The IT field). He was talking about the managerial and administrative domains and the extremely contravening one – psychology arena. Though I had thought about all these while ensuing my higher secondary, I strappingly felt I was into the IT sector. The passion I had for computers embraced me so firmly, that I never gave a room for those things. Hearing him say all these, I told him with a stern voice – No, I’m into the computer field. Being a sweet guy and having plotted out my psychological state at that time, he just let me resume with my assumptions. Our conversation ended and my process of excavation began. The elicitations of this excavation, in my next post................

In the month of Febrauary....

Ah… It’s time again, to pen down my thoughts on my open diary. This time it’s about the diminutive sins, I’ve been doin this month. It’s been a month of relaxation. Letting my mind do whatever it wanted to – sparing the rod and spoiling the child. The major peccadillo that took over the control of ma brain is slumber – deep slumbers. Slept for hours together... Evening, night, noon… Ah… Unperturbed slumber. I guess, I would have beaten the hibernation period of a polar bear. The minute I sit on the cushion furniture, with a lovely book in hand, one could find my eyes drooping. The next minute, in deep slumber. Of course, sleep does make you feel better and energetic. But mine was deep slumber, vegetating my brain. Convoying this indulgence is the master of all fiascos – Mr. Sloth. With me wherever I move - in the class, in the corridors, in the streets, at home. He’s been all around me, in every deed of mine, encompassing me with his sumptuous love. God… This Cupid cant find me a better companion?? So much engrossed by his power, that I didn even wish my friends a happy valentine, gave them no proper response when contacted. Parent’s words never moved out of the other ear, as they found the entrance to the first blocked. I know, all these are ludicrous whimpers. But the big picture – have been soooo lazy that I couldn carry on with the routine actions, which don expect you to spend much of your energy. Well, the third offence – gorging on food items. I could eat a whole lot of junk items despite hearing the premonitions ma brain was furnishing. I can give you the permutation: Mr. Sloth -> Food -> Slumber. Mr. Sloth was struck by Cupid’s arrow n he was chasing me. Myself, behind food. And too much of food stuffing, ensuing in slumbers. SFS (Sloth Food Slumber) my predominant escorts of Cupid month… I could proudly say anyone that I received valentine card this month. From 3 people, oh sorry, from 2.. I was behind food..

Well, listen Deepa (That’s myself). You had enough of leisure this month. I would better say, for the whole year. Wake up from your deep hibernation. Time to depart from your sweetheart – Mr. Sloth. (Ahhh… Cupid, watch out for my retaliation. I would hit back at you in the right time). It’s time that you have to start putting your efforts again. Wake up and Work.

It would be defying myself and ma blog’s address (SPARK OF THE DYING HOPE – finding good in evil), if I’m skeptic about the one benefit this month has brought me. This month has also been a month for exhalation of toxins. The toxins in my mind, due to lack of sleep. The sleep, the abundant food has helped me recuperate energy, I was deficient of. Feel more energized. But letting this habit pursue, would hamper my expedition of exploring life, accomplishing my dreams, aspirations… So, awakening from the deep sleep…

My Fascination

As every other human being on this earth, I have my own fascinations for a lot of things. But today, in this post, I would be speaking only about one of those. Right now, I’m elated as I can see it happening. And I thought I’ll put it down in my blog.
And here it goes – My fascination for The First Pay…

No matter how much ever you succeed in boosting your gross, it’s always the first remuneration that gives you extreme happiness. I call it the ecstasy… The touch of each penny you have earned bestows you with the sensation of having accomplished the pinnacle of your life. You feel it deep in your heart. Your heart resonating the hymn that verbalizes your definition and the conduit of success, glorifying you. You hear nothing, perceive nothing - your heart fastened with wings, all set high, to enjoy, to take delight of your hard work. It recollects how you spent each moment working for what you possess today, reminiscing the strenuous epoch you underwent, scuffling hard. And then befalls your tears… Which again speaks about the euphoria coalesced with contentment. Slowly, at a snail’s pace, your smile transpires… Wow!! It’s really a wonderful moment. All this, if you can pay attention to your silent inner heart and heed your ears to it, shutting down your surrounding, muting your heart that resides outside your subconscious, calling for jamboree.

I suppose that there can be only three possibilities if people haven’t experienced such a profound emotion. One probability is that they are persons who are exceptionally in an equilibrium state and their pointer always points to a single point on the emotion scale. Another likelihood is that their excitement wouldn have permitted them to hear their heart’s words. And finally, people who really don’t deserve their pay cannot sense this emotion. This populace would have dumped their work on a host, forbidding all labor that demanded hard work, spending their time at the workplace in a leisurely comportment – the most undeserving set.

Though I had this fascination, right from my childhood, I never thought of writing it down. The actuator behind this post... It’s Google. Yeah… Google had has approved my adsense account. It’s been a dream of mine (Hey, that’s a minuscule one – to be a part of Google’s ad sense subscriber). Had no idea of how or where to begin with. Even tried my hands on website construction. Didn work out well. Couldn make even a wild guess on what the content of my site would be. Dropped it. I had been a blogger member for quite sometime with a different login name the password of which, is not in my memory. It’s jus a few days back that I’ve started with this blog and my adsense account approved. I know there’s a long way to go to get my bucks… I don mind about it. But I’ve initiated. That counts for me.

And for people out there who think I've been crazy enough to dream of this big picture, before it could really work out, here's what I say (Psss It's Kalam's words. I agree. Don throw tomatoes)...

"Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended"

"You have to dream before your dream comes true"

When someone loves you

When you know someone loves you,
Someone lives for you, Someone needs you,
Someone holds you closer to their heart,
Someone finds living without you baffling,
You need to look back at them and
Reciprocate their feelings for you..
Coz, you don know, when the someone
Who lived for you might be gone..
It's tough to realise that the someone
Who could comfort you now,
When you are in need of them, is no more beside you,









Admiring your expressions,
Revering your beauty,
Adoring your smile,
Glorifying your rejoinders,
Idolising your presence
In their crippled heart
That longs for you
Without your knowledge
Anticipating nothing from you
But a little care,
A little of your opulent love,
A drop of your expensive tears
From your tender, gorgeous eyes
Through your beautiful heart
Which is cherised by the someone
As a heavenly endowment
The worth of which is unknown to you....

P.S. This someone may not be your the then sweetheart.. The person may be your friend who adores you.. Who jus longs for your friendship.. A concrete relationship..

Some of the phrases may sound similar to my heart throb - Enrique's "Somebody".. But that's my own resource.. No reproduction..

LIFE

LIFE - A four letter word with a lot of meaning in it. But it's not easily given to you, unless you try hard to explore it deeply within yourself. This demands a great deal of zeal. It's a treasure, an invaluable asset, only for people who understand it's purpose. And for people who fail to unearth this mighty gift, considering it just as a source for survival, it's always latent.

People who have gained this knowledge wouldn sit idle anymore. No, not even in their dreams
B'coz they know why they are here
Coz they know what they are to do
Coz they have to want to,.. or say, want to have it done

Their subconscious would be channeling them towards the crux of their aspiration, forbidding them from deviating… Heaving them back, each time the conscious mind lets them fly high, moving away from their ambition. It keeps them rooted. When you discover yourself and decide on what you really want to gain from this world and give to this world, you are no more a nuisance… No more a burden to this earth.

Discover what you need and you are in love… Yes, it’s like a love feeling, where can think about nothing but your love. Wherever you begin with, whatever you embark on, you end up thinking about your sweetheart. It’s just the same here. Your objective becomes your love. No fleeing… It’s not easy for this to happen. Coz you need an in depth analysis of yourself – exploring your inner self. Believe me, it’s not a painless progression.

Incipiently, you may not get… why ‘may not’, could say, ‘you will not’ be able to educe any elicitations, … You fail, suffer defeat, collapse incessantly. Many people give up here. It’s only those who persist despite this ignominious debacle get a glimpse of the conundrum,... the enigma of life. If you have reached this point, dont be broken. It seems you do not comprehend coz you get only a vague notion, an ambigous outline. You jus wanna say, I quit. Never do that. You are on your way in exploring the most invaluable possession - your life, the purpose of your life and this is your first stride. Once crossed, you are on an elavator. Yeah, here's where you get a coarse delination of the intention of your life. You begin asking questions like

Why am I here?
Why should I live?
Am I worth living?
What should I do here, on this earth?
For whom should I do?
.
.
.
A series of unalleviating, eloquent queries which are unfalteringly interconnected.

When you find answers to these, you would no more be reading my blog.. Coz, you are on your path, exploring your new wonderful self !!! ..